


Patchwork

by SpoopySis



Series: HiveStuck Post-Game [1]
Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: All the God Tiers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward John Egbert, Background Relationships, Bad Parenting, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Canon Relationships, Ectobiology, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, God Tier, Harlenglicrockerbertaires, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Parental Abandonment, It hurts a little, John Egbert/Terezi Pyrope Kismesissitude, Light Angst, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Paradox, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, The family name that keeps on giving™, They deserve it ok, Well - Freeform, Worldbuilding, black flirting, does it count as a cross over if they're a part of the same universe?, idk if ill keep the rating, im sorry, owo whats this?, very light
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-01-20 09:31:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12429945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpoopySis/pseuds/SpoopySis
Summary: The Hiveswap kids end up on Earth C, shenanigans ensue.-------Patchwork [noun]: needlework in which small pieces of cloth in different designs, colors, or textures are sewn togetherEX: a patchwork quilt





	1. Joey>> Reunite with Your Beloved Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who knows how long till I give up on this? Not me :3
> 
> I tried to just wait for someone else to write this idea but I guess I have to make this myself like some sort of Content Creator... what is this? The Dark Ages?

 

Joey blinked, dazed by the lights. Alternia was always so dim that her eyes weren't used to the light anymore. Sunlight streamed through the windows of the hive illuminating the movie posters pinned carefully to the wall. A sweet scent filled her nose as she sat up and rubbed the remaining sleep out of her eyes. Maybe Xefros had manage to scrounge up something from the hive cupboards to make a midday snack.

 

In the back of her mind she noted that this hive was different from the lab she and Xefros had just been standing in. Her eyes snapped open in alarm as memories flooded her. She sat up and took in her surroundings. It was a fairly basic bedroom, a bed, a dresser, a desk with what looked like a closed husktop in the corner. There were a few action movie posters here and there, some of them were stained with oil. She looked down to see her brother curled up in the bed next to her... "Jude?" Her heart jumped into her throat.

 

The boy squeezed his eyes tighter and waved her away. "Five more minutes..."

 

"Jude!" Joey flung herself at her brother, clinging to him with all she had. Tears welled up in her eyes from relief. She couldn't believe that after everything that happened she finally was reunited with Jude. After days of exhausting physical labor and dangerous run-ins with wild alien fauna, she was home. Briefly she thought about Xefros and hoped that he'd be ok on Alternia. At least he was probably reunited with his friend Dammek. Maybe.

 

"Joey?" Jude asked, still half asleep. "Is this a dream?" 

 

"No, I'm here Jude." 

 

Jude responded by wrapping his arms around her and squeezing. The siblings held each other for a while, happy to ignore the rest of the world for a few minutes.

 

Suddenly the door squeaked open. There was a blur of orange and black as two Trolls stumbled in, quickly barricading the door behind them. Xefros looked around the room for something heavy to keep the door shut, his eyes landing on Joey and Jude. His face turned dark red at the sight to the siblings. "J-Joey! Thank the Sufferer you're okay! Um... I hope we're not interrupting your feelings jam but uh, we have a bit of a situation here."

 

The other Troll pulled out one of her Pa's spare guns. _Dammek_ , Joey thought,  _This must be The Tetrarch that Xefros keeps talking about._ "There's an  _Adult_ in the Hive. Maybe more, I only saw one of them."

 

Jude wiped his face in his sleeve. "Well yeah, it's probably his hive... house. Maybe he's friendly." The trolls stared at him like he just said that the Heiress was actually a nice girl who took care of orphaned wrigglers in her spare time. "What?"

 

"Adult trolls don't live with younger trolls, they all live off-world." Joey said. 

 

"That doesn't matter, empty your sylladex's I need to see what I'm working with here." Dammek started to load his gun, mumbling under his breath at how limited the bullets were.

 

Someone knocked on the door and both the trolls froze. Xefros pulled his bat from his specibus and moved closer to Dammek. Dammek's eyes were hidden behind dark reflective shades but Joey could tell that he was just as terrified Xefros. They both trembled in fear as the door creaked open. Joey pulled out her flashlight and launched herself at the person.

 

"Oh Fuck!" The lanky man toppled over at her sudden attack.

 

"Rebellion!" Joey waved her flashlight at the man's eyes, causing a few curses to tumble from his lips. "Foul-mouthed hooligan. Take that!"

 

Dammek grinned and raised his gun over his head, "Tear him apart Alien kid! Overthrow the bourgeoisie."

 

The man clamped a hand on her flashlight, yanking it out of her hand. "Cut it out!" He picked Joey up effortlessly and floated off the ground. Joey stumbled back in fear as the man brushed off his clothes and glared at them with glowing red eyes. "ain't you heard of a light sensitivity?"

 

Xefros burst into tears and dropped his club. The man tensed up and floated towards him. Dammek tried to shoot at the adult but the gun disappeared before he could pull the trigger. "Watch it kid, you're already in deep shit. If one of you is his moirail I suggest you calm him down before I have to knock him out."

 

Dammek pulled Xefros into a hug, muttering under his breath to his moirail. The man nodded and gave them some space. "You kids are really lucky you landed where you did, if John hadn't been around to see you falling you probably wouldn't be alive to suffer the consequences of your little escapades. Flying around on jet-tech is restricted to adults for a reason. What would your guardians think if you'd gotten seriously hurt because of a malfunction or whatever."

 

Joey crossed her arms. "I think there's been a misunderstanding, we weren't flying around on, um, 'jet-tech'."

 

The man blinked, not prepared for the sudden interruption. "Well that ruined my speech about flight safety... It was Egbert approved and everything. If you weren't flying around on jetpacks or wings how'd you get so high up? Shuttles to and from the outer planets don't run that late and I don't see any wings on you guys."

 

Jude was the one to speak up. "We got sucked into a portal and woke up here. We don't know anything about jetpacks or outer planets."

 

The man finally set his feet on the ground. He eyes them all, speaking very slowly. "It wasn't shaped like a giant glowing white house, was it?"

 

All four of them shook their heads and he let out a sigh of relief. "Good, that's a whole other ton of shit I'm glad isn't still around. Look, lemme just say you ain't in Kansas anymore. Kansas just got hit with a nuke and the whole country is reeling from shock. The entire concept of Kansas has been erased along with every state in Kansas' direct proximity. It's a national tragedy and Obama is making a speech about it, its all very tragic and shit... where was I going with this?" 

 

"Uhh..."

 

"Goddamn it, why didn't John handle this? He's way better at dealing with kids." He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "So, if you came through a portal, it's not really my jurisdiction. John only called me here because of..." He gestured to the pair of trolls, causing Dammek to hiss at him. "but this might be a whole group issue. take your time to process as a group that uh, you can't go back." His demonic red eyes filled with something akin to sympathy. "John made some breakfast so um... come downstairs when you're done"

 

He floated out of the room and gently closed the door. 

 

 "Asshole took my gun."

 

"Who's Obama?" Jude asked. Joey just shrugged and picked up her flashlight.

 

"Darn, my flashlight broke. Oh well, I still have my tap shoes."

 

Xefros started wiping his red tears away. "Did he really say we can never go back to Alternia?"

 

"He's lying, it's gotta be a trick. We're probably in some sort of advanced simulation to lull us into a false sense of security."

 

 Joey rolled her eyes and started towards the door. "Whatever, I'm hungry."

 

"Wait." Jude ran up to her and pulled out his modified nerf gun. "I'm coming with. I'm not gonna lose you again."

 

The Half-Harley siblings smiled at each other. It was a shared sentiment, neither wanted to be separated from the other ever again. Jude took Joeys hand and the two bravely made their way down the stairs. Joey could hear the trolls following behind wordlessly, both of them speaking in soft chirps and buzzing. The stairs creaked under the weight of the four teens, destroying any possibility that they could sneak out. As they entered the living room they were met with a fairly simple house. Clown statuettes(collectables?) lined a bookshelf in the far corner of the room. Next to it was a cracking fireplace, the fire burning with an eerie blue glow. There was a picture of a middle aged man holding a massive cake in one hand a baby in the other.

 

"This place is really normal for a Demon's house." Jude muttered, eyeing the tv and couch. Dammek shushed him angrily. Xefros made a distressed noise and moved closer to the center of the group. "sorry."

 

A voice drifted out of the next room along with the same smell that woke her earlier. "Well I'll shoot out a message to everyone for a meetup. It's been a couple months since we had one anyway and there are a few other issues we should nip in the butt." The voice was that of the red-eyed man.

 

'John' made a small noise of agreement. "If these kids really came from another universe, do you think He's behind it?"

 

"Nah man, English is done for. You punched him into a different timeline, remember?"

 

Joey set her hand down on one of the end tables and accidently knocked over a statuette. The group of teens froze in fear as heavy footsteps moved towards them. The swinging doors opened with a small gust of wind as familiar looking man entered the room. Glare from the fireplace hid his eyes as he tilted his head to examine the group. Joey gripped her flashlight in shock at the familiar yet bizzare features of the man.

 

"P-Pa?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to google when con air came out... the things I do for fan fic.


	2. John >> Confront Alien Children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its not very popular but pale JohnDave is /good/ and have feelings over them.
> 
> I'm sorry for all the tags I keep adding (no I'm not)

 

John blinked in confusion at the girls exclamation. He cleared his throat, offering a small buck-toothed grin. "Uh, I don't think we've met before. My name is John Egbert. You've met my Moirail Dave... he told me you weren't from around here?"

 

One of the trolls whimpered, moving closer to the other. The girl shook her head. "I'm sorry you just... Looked like someone I knew." 

 

John sighed. "Yeah. Believe me I get that a lot." He adjusted his glasses, he didn't really need them, he could've asked Jane to heal his eyes ages ago. But he was just too attached to get rid of them. "Why don't you guys come and have some breakfast? Falling out of the sky can take a lot out of you, believe me." He watched as the human children relaxed a bit and started to shuffle into the kitchen. The trolls followed shortly after, both of them giving him odd looks.

 

Dave was floating in the middle of the kitchen typing a message for the group chat. He'd put on another pair of sunglasses after coming down the stairs, saying that he'd terrified one of trolls to tears with his 'demon eyes'. Strider inclined his head in a way that suggested that he was looking at the children. He captcha'd his phone and smiled at the group. "hey kids, good news. Her Supreme Witchiness has agreed to teleport us all to the God Conclave in one hour. So be sure to eat up quickly."

 

The girl cleared her throat. "We- have a lot of questions."

 

"Yeah, who the heck are you guys and how do you have all these powers." The Troll with the antlers and sunglasses snarled at them. The shorter and quieter troll started making pale noises to soothe him.

 

"Well I'm Dave Strider, musician, artist, generally cool and awesome king of the Troll Kingdom and the God of Time. That's John, nerd, prankster, novice baker and God of Breath." Dave gestured to them. "And you guys?" As Dave spoke, John started setting the table

 

The girl rubbed the sides of her head and sighed. "Right, I've officially lost the right to skeptical here so I'll bite. My name is Joey Claire and this is my brother Jude Harley.."

 

John dropped a cup. Dave's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Harley? Your dad isn't like... an adventurer with a british accent? Really likes lady's in blue?"

 

"I don't know about the accent, he's not around often enough to tell. He does fancy himself an adventurer and an avid hunter though." Joey blushed. "And he does like ladies in blue... our house was filled with pictures of them."

 

Dave covered his mouth to muffle his laughter. "Holy shit, Jake got laid..."

 

"Dave!" John smacked his moirail's shoulder. "Don't curse in front of children."

 

"Shit sorry." 

 

"You know our dad?" Jude asked.

 

The trolls were looking between the humans with baffled expressions. John realized that if they weren't from Earth C they probably weren't as familiar with human family structures. 

 

"Well yeah, but our Jake is slightly different from your Jake, in that our Jake is a bit more..." Dave trailed off for a moment. "Youthful."

 

John snorted. "yeah, that's one way to describe him." The kids sat down and John served them the crepes he prepared. "Then again we don't have any right to judge..."

 

"No I think I've earned the right. Not even your movie taste is that bad." John threw a bunched up napkin at Dave, who lazily drifted out of the way as a result. The Knight flashed a diamond gesture at John. "Completely unrelated, but how'd you meet your Alternian buddies here without getting, like, eviserated."

 

The antler-horned troll stood up and hissed at him. "Fuck you,  _Dahive._ " The troll released a slew of very nasty sounding Alternian that made his (friend? Moirail?) gasp. Dave pulled down his shades and glared at the troll. He hissed out some more Alternian, sounding like a disappointed Lusus(parent/guardian/father). The adolescent troll didn't seem to like whatever it was that was said and the rust blood(?) had to shoosh him.

 

Joey seemed a bit put off by the pale affection being shared and cleared her throat. "So um... Mr. Egbert..."

 

"Please just call me John."

 

"...John. You said you and Dave were moirail's! Do humans of this world have the same quadrants as trolls? You... Are human... Right?"

 

"Well, its not like humans have quadrents. More like, so much of their culture has mingled with trolls that it just sort of got mixed in. It's not very common unless they've had a lot of interaction with Trolls. And yes, we are technically human."

 

Jude narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Technically?"

 

"We're Gods, so it doesn't really matter what our original species was, we're not bound by those rules anymore." John noted their skeptical expressions and continued. "Technically we're humans in that both Dave and I were raised human, born human, ate human food, died as humans, and exist in human bodies with human needs. But we don't have to worry about getting old, or getting sick." 

 

"Did you just say you  _died_ _!?"_ was shouted in tandem with an "I don't think you should tell little kids about dying." from Dave just as Joey stood up from her chair.

 

"I should've known this was too good to be true. Of course there had to be some reason that this was all so weird. We're dead. The portal probably killed us and this is some bizarre afterlife and oh my god, does this mean Pa is dead too? This whole time I just thought he just abandoned us but he was dead and we never even knew..." The teen started to hyperventilate. "Rox probably found our bodies and is freaking out..." Tears started to roll down her cheeks and Joey choked back a sob.

 

John felt a spike of panic at the sight. He placed both hands on her shoulders and knelt down to her hight. "Hey, breathe with me... Its okay, Joey. You're not dead. You just happen to be in a very different Earth than the one you started on. You and your friends aren't dead or doomed or anything like that."

 

The girl gradually calmed down, desperately clinging to John. The rust blood(his symbol is right there how do you not notice...) was making small undeniably pale sounding coos towards her and looked like he wanted to move closer to her.

 

John attempted to ignore the potential pale infidelity and focus on making Joey calm down her breathing. 

 

Dave looked at his bare wrist. "Not to interrupt this feelings fest of the more awkward variety, but we have five minutes twenty-three seconds until Jade teleports us all over in to the Conclave with our new semi-alien friends."

 

Joey wiped her tears away. "S-sorry. I freaked out a little there..."

 

"It's okay, I should've thought my wording out a little better. I'm the jerk. Its me."

 

Joey let out a tiny choked laugh. He smiled and ruffled her hair a bit. John captcha'd the left overs and dirty plates. That way he would actually remember to clean them later on. He immediately realized that he'd trapped his phone between the plates and his house keys.

 

Obviously this would in no way cause any issues later on. That was all he had time to think before Jade's powers snatched them out of his kitchen and dropped them in the midst of the Very Important God Tier Meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of the Troll Bois™ but I promise they'll be plenty of them in the next chap :3


	3. Dammek >> Be Suspicous of Human Family Units

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5 surviving trolls* + 8 humans + 1 cherub = a mess of a pantheon. Seriously, what kinda lore does earth c operate under?
> 
> Anyway here's some dumb shit where Dammek meets the strilondes and their alien partners. italics means they're talking in Alternian.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> *they don't count gamzee but he's there too kinda.

 

Dammek felt a brief moment of weightlessness before he fell backwards onto the cold marble floor. He immediately got to his feet, ready for anything these so called 'gods' could throw at him. 

 

A human in black and white robes tackled the blue-eyes human, John, to the ground. "Oh my Muse, you actually came to a meeting for once!"

 

Dammek ignored the conversation in favor of taking in the sights of their new location.

 

The place was massive and ornate, nothing like the modest hive that the John human had welcomed them to. A semi-circle of tall marble thrones sat before an empty hall. The floor had been emblazoned with a symbol that Dammek couldn't recognize. He noticed a few repeating symbols on the chairs. The three tallest ones had; a bright red slash with blood dripping from it, two wavy blue lines that matched the symbol on 'John's clothes, and what looked like a light green sprout emerging from the ground. There were a few other humans in bizzare clothes like the two 'gods' that brought them there. Xefros seemed to relax a little as the Adults conversed amongst themselves, completely ignoring the new arrivals. Dammek took his moirail's hand. ' _We could try to make a break for it.'_ He said.

 

Xefros jumped at the sudden contact. The low blood rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. " _I don't think we'll make it very far. These humans are a lot more powerful than Joey or Jude."_

 

 _"Of course we are. We worked very hard to earn that power and your friends are still mere children."_ Dammek spun around to see an adult human in bright orange robes smiling down at them. They wore a hood that hid their eyes but it still felt like they were looking directly at him. Black lips pulled back to reveal flat useless teeth. "My name is Rose Lalonde, is there any particular reason you feel it necessary to reject the honor of witnessing a event as sacred as a Godly Meeting which all 14 shall be present? It only happens once in a rust blood's lifetime."

 

The bronze blood took a step back, the human still maintaining the intense aura. "What do you know about rust bloods human? Doesn't your entire species share the same off-spectrum abomination?" He didn't really care about their blood but he could tell when he was getting pulled into some verbal fisticuffs. 

 

"Oh you really are Alternian. I'd recognize that deep seated mistrust and culturally enforced hyper-aggression anywhere." The human pulled off the hood to reveal glowing violet eyes. "Though I suggest you keep those hemoist statements to yourself. Trolls on this planet may not be as violent but they could still take your head off for insulting their radiant Crimson King. Well, he probably wouldn't appreciate those remarks either, knowing him."

 

Out of the corner of his eye he spotted a blur of bright red hurtling towards Rose. "Hug train, coming in hot!" 

 

'Rose' seemed to resign her(?)self to her fate as the blur tackled her off her feet. They didn't make contact with the ground, instead floating a few inches off the ground. 'Dave' clung to her with a goofy smile on his face. "This is D Stri, Flighty Broad has been detained. Requesting back-up cuddler."

 

"I hope you know that I hate you."

 

A human in dark blue robes approached. "Back up is on the way." The new human scooped both of them into a hug. "Target neutralized."

 

"This is the most intimate kind of betrayal."

 

"Hi mom."

 

'Mom' gave Dave a small kiss on the forehead. "Hiya, Davey. How's my sweet little boy doing? Unlike other children, who never call, never write. Don't show up to their step-moms birthday bash."

 

"Roxy please stop."

 

Dave gasp dramatically. "Who is this awful child? I'll hunt them down."

 

"If she joins my team for the Birthday Hunt I will forgive her trangeshons. Transgressions. Bluh." 'Roxy' grinned at the Rose human. 

 

"What's that?" Xefros asked. Dammek elbowed the rust blood. 

 

Roxy seemed to finally notice the pair of lowbloods and gasped. They dropped the two other humans and grabbed Xefros' cheeks. "Oh my me, lookit this wittle cutie! Davey, did you and Karkitty finally decide to adopt? AM I A GRANNY?"

 

Dammek hissed. "Let go of my moirail, human." Threat display seemed to have the opposite of the intended effect. Roxy instead scooped them both into a hug squealing about how adorable they both were. " _I am not some highblood's pet cuddlebeast! Put us down!"_

 

"Lalonde, what in the bulge gobbling fuck are you going on about?"

 

The human released the trolls and Xefros gasped for breath. Dammek fell back onto the ground. He felt his cheeks warm up in embarrassment as he rose back to his feet. Two more adults had appeared, both sporting robes like the 'Gods' but also troll horns jutting out of their hoods. The shorter of the two had his arms crossed and a scowl twisting his features. His eyes were glowing the same off-spectrum color as Dave's, their clothes matching in style but not color. The troll beside him seemed to be amused by the sight before her, giggling at the human's antics. Dave seemed less interested in bothering Rose at the sight of them and reclined in midair. "Hey there handsome, come here often?"

 

The shorter troll's scowl dissolved and turned into an amused smirk. "Strider. What kind of bullshit have you gotten yourself into now?"

 

Dammek decided to grab Xefros and run, trying to find the exit. The 'Gods' were all chatting in groups, one which surrounded Jude and his 'sister'. He almost turned back to try and free his ally but realized that they'd just get pulled into some more human bullshit. 

 

" _Let's get out of here before someone notices us."_

 

 _"W-wait."_ Xefros pulled back. _"Where can we even go? What about Joey or Jude?"_

 

_"They'll be fine."_

 

A loud banging echoed through the massive room, silencing all the chatter. Dammek glanced back for a moment to see an adult troll banging a gavel against the wall. "The Seer of Mind requests that we call the Conclave to order, before Mr. Caramel Sundae and Strawberry Jam make their daring escape." The troll gave them a fierce grin, eyes hidden under a dark green hood. "I think we've spent enough time getting all caught up."

 

"There you two are." John ushered them away from the doors. "You guys definitely don't want to miss this!"

 

  _"Shit."_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh... my tumblr is @honestsister if y'all wanna scream at me on there.


	4. Xefros >> Observe Godly Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always really liked the idea of Karkat's mutations being a result of the Hemospectrum looping back around. I put a little of that in here.

 

Xefros squirmed in the seat that that the nice (if a bit too affectionate) human had conjured up for the four children. Joey was gripping his hand with all her might so he gave her a small squeeze in return. The adult humans were seated in tall thrones emblazoned with the symbols that decorated their shirts. John sat in one of the larger seats along with the rust (He had to be, trolls don't have that color blood) and a female with similar features to John. She cleared her throat and spoke in a very sweet sounding voice. "Ahem, well, our first order of business will be to assign a scribe for this weeks meeting..."

 

The troll in green, the Seer, waved her arm around. "Oh, pick me! Pick me!"

 

John cleared his throat. "Someone other than Terezi?"

 

"Wow John, you think cause I'm blind I can't take notes for a dumb meeting. Check your Privilege."

 

"The last time you transcribed the meeting it was covered in slober and no one could read it except Karkat."

 

"Don't bring me into this." The troll next to John rubbed the side of his head.

 

"Sorry, Terezi. But I have to agree with John. I was going to suggest Dirk."

 

A human in triangle shaped shades glanced up. "Huh, oh. Sure."

 

Terezi huffed in disappointment. The human woman in beige robes sighed. "Our first order of business would be the green and red lights we saw over the Human Kingdom last night. We received a lot of reports of them being visable from the Troll Kingdom as well."

 

"I think I have thomething to thay about that." A troll with twin horns and murky green robs stood. "Caliborn probably found a way into our univerthe and ith coming to kill uth all. We're all doomed and there'th nothing we can do about it."

 

"Why is that your response to everything that happens?" Roxy glared at him from across the room.

 

"Sollux that's not what happened. Sit down, you're scaring Callie." the human in the beige robes said, very calmly.

 

"I think I might know what it was." John said, "Dave and I went to investigate it last night..."

 

"Gay."

 

"Yes Terezi, it was gay. We even, get this, held each other's hands."

 

Dirk pushed his shades up, raising an eyebrow at the two. "You know we're not supposed to flirt during these things? We made a rule about it and everything."

 

John's face went red. "Anyway, we went to investigate and found these four falling out of the sky."

 

The troll next him gave the four children a cold stare. "Oldest to youngest, introduce yourselves. Name, age, and place of origin."

 

Dammek stood. He kept his posture lax as if he wasn't scared of the beings he was addressing. "I am Tetrarch..."

 

"I said name. not title." The growl in his voice sounded almost like a highblood's, but at the same time, didn't feel as oppressive and chilling. It felt... like a disappointed lusus addressing a rowdy wriggler. Stern yet affectionate.

 

Xefros watched his moirail flinch at the sound. The rebel cleared his throat before speaking again. "My name is Dammek Stryde, I'm 7 sweeps old and I'm from Alternia." Dammek lowered himself back into his seat.

 

John gave the troll A Look before urging the children to continue.

 

Joey was the next to stand. "My name is Joey Claire, I'm 14 years old or six and a half sweeps, and I'm from Hauntswitch, New York."

 

Xefros stood quickly and blurted out his introduction. "I'm Xefros Tritoh, six and a half sweeps, and I'm from Alternia." He slammed himself back into his seat as a few giggles were made over his rushed introduction. A few of them cooed at 'how adorable' and even a 'can we keep him'.

 

Jude stood awkwardly, shuffling his feet and averting his eyes. "My name is Jude Harley, I'm 12. I uh, don't know how much that is in sweeps... I'm from Hauntswitch."

 

"Oh my God, Harley."

 

"Well he's not mine!" Harley shouted.

 

"Actually, I think.." John attempted to speak before he 

 

"Well who else on this miserable hunk of dirt has that name?"

 

"They're not from this 'miserable hunk of dirt' dummy. There's no such thing as Hauntswitch on Earth C."

 

Terezi jumped out of her seat. "The children must be lying, OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" 

 

The troll by John also rose to his feet. "We're not beheading children."

 

Chaos erupted as the Gods all took different positions. A few loudly declared that Harley wasn't old enough to have children, another group defended 'Earth C' as more than a hunk of rock (it was their rock thank you very much) while the short troll (Karkat) said that it was probably because of time shenanigans or alternate reality selves but still the kids looked just like her how could you possibly think they don't. He argued mostly on his own as the only person backing him(Dave) immediately backed out when given a Very Stern Look from Harley. Dirk had seemingly given up entirely on writing down what was happening and instead just set his shades on the table in front of him. Terezi  had pulled out a rope and had begun tying a noose.

 

A massive  _Crack-Bang_ silenced the arguing, everyone covering their ears at the sound. "Enough." John said, "This is stupid. We aren't here to argue over whose they are, we're here to talk about The fact that they came from another universe."

 

"This isn't to say that He is here but, not to agree with Sollux or anything, He might be able to find His way here the same way." Dave said. "Alternian's and Beta Humans are already a big concern, what if they hadn't been children. What if a Juggalo managed to find there way here using whatever brought them here? It would be mass chaos, like a black Friday sale at Wal-Mart."

 

"Nithe, I wath right."

 

"Even if he does come here, we're ready!" Terezi waved her noose in the air. "It's fourteen to one! Not to mention our  _Secret Weapon_." The last part was said in Alternian and resulted in all the adult trolls in the room shuddering.

 

A Jadeblood in black robs cleared her throat. "I would prefer we hold off of on using... that. I believe that we would be better off repurposing what ever it is that sent them here to utilize it to send them home. And of course to destroy it before others can arrive and corrupt our universe."

 

Rose nodded. "Seconded."

 

The human in beige looked around the room. "Are there any disagreements?" No one spoke, Xefros looked between his moirail and his human best friend. Dammek looked like he was paying very close attention to what was going on, fangs gnawing at his bottom lip slightly. Joey looked very confused by what was happening and very worried that the tealblood would get her wish of an execution. Xefros reached over to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Excellent! Moving on to more pressing matters..."

 

Joey shot out of her seat. "Wait!" Everyone's attention zeroed in on her, making her shift nervously. "I just... that is... What is this place? If we aren't dead or asleep, why are we here? Why didn't it just put us back where we were meant to be?"

 

Beige human smiled at Joey. "I'm sorry dearie, we got a bit carried away there. This place you've landed in is called Earth C, not the most creative name but we were convinced someone would've come up with something better by now. It just stuck after a while. We don't know why you all landed here, but we're going to do everything we can to make sure you get back home."

 

 


	5. Jake >> Be the Bad Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jake is actually one of my least favorite characters... He has John's same adorkable ditziness but it's cranked up to some insane unlikeable degree that kinda grates on my nerves. I just never got attached to him like I've seen a lot of people do. Hiveswap made me like him even less but I want to make clear i'm not going to make Jake an antagonist. He's not evil just kinda... Jake
> 
> that being said, i'm sorry about the wait for this one, lotsa writers block I hope the davekat makes up for the wait.

~~~~

"Objection!" Jake jumped in his seat at the sudden declaration. The conversation was starting to drag on longer than most topics tended to in the past.

 

"This isn't a courtroom, Terezi."

 

"I still Object."

 

'What do you object to this time, Terezi?"

 

"We can't move on to a new topic without deciding what to do with these wrigglers in the mean time." The tealblood grinned. "I'll happily take care of Mr. Lemon-lime and little Miss Blue Raspberry."

 

John groaned. "Does she have an off button? Is there a way to get her to Stop?"

 

"Do you want to find out?"

 

"No Flirting." Dirk snapped, to the relief of literally everyone. Terezi huffed in disappointment, muttering in disappointment.

 

Dave shifted away from her. "Completely unrelated but Aradia, do you wanna switch seats? I'd almost prefer sitting next to mister Doom and Gloom." Aradia giggled.

 

"Directing this conversation in a different direction, Rose and I still have far too much on our plate to care for four teenagers at once. I'd also like to remind you Terezi that you have just as many if not more responsibilities between your job and your duties as Queen." Kanaya interjected. "That and as the Cavern Mother, I feel it would be unjust to separate young Xefros from his moirail."

 

The girl squeaked in surprise and pulled her hand away from the rustblood. Xefros seemed just as embarrassed by the assumption. "W-we're not, uh, not Moirail's." He seemed to curl in on himself, attempting to hide the dark blush overtaking his cheeks. "We're just... friends."

 

"Oh dear, I'm terribly sorry. I should know better than to be making such assumptions." Kanaya cleared her throat. "Either way, separating them so soon after their arrival will most likely cause undue stress. For the same reasons we are not discussing the Betty Crocker Incident in their presence, it is not healthy for their mental wellbeing."

 

Jake felt a bit left out. "Dirk and I could take them, The Consorts pretty much rule themselves most of the time anyway." Dirk jerked his head towards him, face as expressionless as always. 

 

Karkat stood from his seat, the other trolls flinching from the low growl that he emitted. A tense aura seemed to fill the air as Dave tried to calm his Matesprit from his seat. "I am not allowing someone as irresponsible as the two of you play lusus with any children, let alone two of my subjects." John tried to say something but was immediately cut off by the red blood. "Shut up, Egbert. You aren't my moirail or my auspistice.

 

"Babe chill," Dave said."

 

Jane teleported next to him and smacked him on the back of the head. "Really Karkat, I know you don't like Dirk but you're gonna have to have a reason if you're gonna be throwing accusations around..."

 

"it's not even just Dirk," Karkat snarled, turning his attention onto Jake. "Your imbecilic excuse for a lusus was just as bad as Strider! Who leaves small children alone with loaded guns to play with taxidermied human corpses!?! That's fucked up, even by Alternian standards." Jake felt his heart sink, Jade had never mentioned anything like that to him before. "I think we can all safely assume that those two would make the absolute worst pair of Lusii to grace this planet's surface."

 

"Karkat!" Dave stood, shades slipping down his nose to reveal tired, pleading eyes. "Not here." 

 

Terezi also stood. "This conversation is insanely off track, could we maybe go back to the task at hand?" Everyone seemed to ignore her.

 

"Look, lets not make a huge deal about this.." Dirk started. "I get where you're coming from, I understand your concern. But don't you dare bring Jake into this."

 

Karkat huffed and sat back down. The tension lessened slightly. John spoke up. "I can take them, it's not like I have a job or anything to take up my time. It'll be a little crowded in my place but its only for a little while, right?"

 

Jane scanned the room. "Any one who dissents?" No one spoke. "Excellent, Moving on... Sollox would you like to share with us the progress with your Satellite designs?"

 

Jake zoned out of the conversation after that, reflecting on what Karkat had said to him. While Jake had never really interacted with the troll on a personal basis, he was aware that he'd lived with Jade and Dave for a while but he wasn't sure why they lived apart now. Had Jade confided some secrets about Jake's Alternate self that had made the redblood concerned? Was it some obvious reason that Jake was completely oblivious too? He was really trying to work on that. And... How long had Dirk and Karkat been at odds? How had he never noticed the tension between the two before?

 

... There's a word for this...

 

 


	6. Jude >> Question Sanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK I POSTED THE WRONG CHAPTER.
> 
> ````````
> 
> *wakes up in the middle of the night* _I forgot my babys_

 

Jude thought that he was a pretty confident in what he believed in. Unlike Joey, who was rather skeptical of most of his theories, he was more prepared for most things that happened in his life.

 

That didn't apply to meeting what amounted to gods after being flung into an alternate universe.

 

But that was fine, he just needed to adapt to his new situation. Gather intelligence. It'd be easier, of course, if any of these adults were paying any attention to them. For gods, and adults they seemed pretty childish. Several of them seemed to have fallen asleep under their hoods (Dave fell victim to a wandering sharpie and now sported a red mustache and some words that were barely legible.)

 

Jude leaned over to Joey. "What do you think those symbols mean?"

 

Joey hummed. "Well, maybe it has something to do with what they're connected to what they're the god of? But then there are a few that share the same symbols so probably it's a hierarchy thing?"

 

Dammek turned to look at them. "I thought you humans don't have a hierarchy?"

 

Joey shot him a glare. "Just because we don't have a caste system doesn't mean we don't have people who are in charge. If no one was in charge it would be total anarchy!"

 

"Uh yeah, what's so bad about that? It's not like any humans pose any threat to each other, aren't you communal types?"

 

"Yeah, but there are still dangerous people out there."

 

"What's going to stop those dangerous people from hurting people from hurting others? Why would they even obey the people in charge if they're so dangerous?" Dammek checked his claws as he spoke.  Joey seemed agitated from Dammek's questions so Jude fished a marble from his sylladex and lobed it at the bronze blood. He yelped when the marble knocked his glasses askew.

 

Jude and Joey giggled at his incredulous expression and Xefros fought back a smile. Dammek was about to say something but was interrupted by a flash of radioactive green light. The four children popped back into existence in John's house. "Holy crap, what?"

 

Another flash of light and a letter fell on Jude's face. The pair of trolls and Joey crowded around to read the letter over his shoulder. 

 

Sorry for the sudden change in scenery. but unfortunately we have to talk about important godly shenanigans and we can't have people sitting in on it. John and Dave will be home in a few hours, so make yourselves comfortable :). try not to wander off, we don't want anyone to get hurt.

Sincerely, Jade Harley-English

PS: if you get hungry, John hides the microwave meals in the back of the freezer. don't tell Dave ;)

 

"Soo... What now?" 

"... Look at literally everything?" Joey suggested.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PRINCE OF BLOOD DAMMEK
> 
> PAGE OF RAGE XEFROS
> 
> MAID OF LIGHT JOEY
> 
> KNIGHT OF DOOM JUDE
> 
> my headcanon god tiers for the main hiveswap crew.


End file.
